Bees remind me of Jimmy, Mtv's own iconic cab driver.
You say bees and Jimmy? How do they relate? Because Jimmy the Cab Driver did a parody of Blind Melon's No Rain....
Favorite Word (of the week): Shim. I haven't used shim in awhile. However lately the shims have been coming out (no pun intended) since the weather is warmer. Get familiar: A Shim is a She and a Him, a crossdresser, a transexual which Christian from Project Runway says "Hot Tranny Mess." Following me? Ok, i'm glad I could clarify that. So at the Sex and the City event for Fred yesterday, the crowd is getting hyped up and our host was finally announced, we had a host who was a Carrie Bradshaw shim with the hottest legs. At some point I turned to Kelly in awe and said, Shim's legs are fucking hot and I am jelly-oso (jealous), she said "I was thinking the same thing, what a bitch." Which reminds me of a story of a shim sighting 2 years ago when I was fragrance modeling at Boston Store. A super hot shim was standing at the Perscriptives counter in a short, form fitting white dress. Now if you aren't familiar with the Perscriptives counter, it is all white and illuminated from within the case. At first all of us were guessing in amazement because this shim had fabulous legs, body and makeup. This shim was more beautiful than most women! Once the shim started to lean and look at lipsticks, I could see a definite sack hanging in the shadow of the white dress, clearly shim was pulling a Britney. At least invest in some panties. Be a lady Sah-weetie.
Speaking of Britney, I (meaning my mom) took out my extensions on Tuesday because I had an appointment to get my hair did on Wednesday. Well CLEARLY you cannot get your hair cut and colored with extensions in, even Grandma and her BFF Rose know that. So let me tell you about the (John) Awesome process..... So I somehow weasel my mom into helping me telling her it will only take maybe an hour and a half tops. Ha, I guess my brain wasn't very big. So the tone of the time was 7:09pm... we begin by her taking 5 minutes on the first one... well skip to 10:14 ( i know the time to the exact moment because i was sitting on the ground looking at the clock on the stove and my neck was killing me and I kept whining to the point where my mom said take a vicodin or a shot already). So yessss the extensions are out, so i was so excited to wash my hair without having the weave in. Well little did I know there were chunks of glue. Skip to 11:40 and I'm still in the shower, crying at this point because my scalp was sooo red from trying to comb this glue out. Imagine someone chewing 5 packs of bubblicious and then squeezing it into your roots of your hair.. Amazing! So my mom knocks on the door and asks how its going, i scream on the top of my lungs " HOW DO YOU THINK ITS GOING, I'VE BEEN IN THE FUCKING SHOWER FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. ITS GOING GREAT, I'VE JUST BEEN STANDING IN HERE RUBBING ONE OUT!" at which point I started to cry again and she began to laugh at me and my tantrum. So she gave me a towel and there the two of us were brushing my glue out, great bonding time. At one point she started laughing and asked if I wanted her to try peanut butter. I just gave her the evil eye and she continued to giggle. FINALLY at midnight I was in bed with a wet head and sore scalp.
I'm not going to lie, I can TOTALLY see why Brit went balls to the walls and shaved her head. It is not cool. Would I do it again? probably... i looked in the mirror and mourned for my non existent long flowing, amazing, beautiful, human (horse) hair. I can see how these bitches get addicted to it. It's like instant glam.
Whats on tap for the weekend you ask? Kiss Klose Up w/ Natasha Beddingfield and I'm going to your good old fashioned, every body's favorite Combat Theater tomorrow. Drinks will definitely be up in the mix, so ladies and gents be prepared to be drunk dialed. That's one feature I wish was not on phones...inbox and outbox, outgoing and incoming calls. Well only on drunken nights of course. I wish you could punch in a code on nights you go out so you cant look through it the next morning and put your hand on your head, shaking it and feeling like a total ass wipe. I always say to people who buy me a shot... are you sure you want to? I cant be responsible for the actions that take place later.. Jackie turns into Wackie.... What can I say once the Goldschlagger hits your lips, IT'S SOOOO GOOD!
So what this post was going to be about originally got a little off track... SHOCKING.. But with the new position with Fred Boutique, I've been a super busy bee but I LOVE it. There are SOO many things I'm going to have my hand in and I finally feel like this is it. So check out www.fredboutique.com SPREAD THE WORD!!!!!
Until then I leave you with my fav. music video of the week...
Peace and Hair Grease
-Miss Jackson
PS. Don't forget to check out www.fredboutique.com
PPS. Don't forget to put on panties
Friday, May 30, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
You know what they say....
Everybody is blogging THESE DAYS! Even Grandma and her BFF Rose! So who am I not to be in the "in crowd" and go with the majority, because majority rules right?!? So here it goes ladies and gents. Sit back, crack a brewski, turn on some tunes and pick into the brain of Miss Jackson. But only if you're nasty of course..... Cuz mama didn't raise no fool!
Favorite Word (of the week): Bagel Bumper. Maybe this is just a word that PI HI XI used. I introduced it to my fellow fragrance sprayers, at work of course. But I CANNOT believe how many characters this day and age that do not know this word. Its amazing to me. It's like someone screaming GFY at me and me being dumbfounded. Well apparently not everyone knows GFY either. Its a term Cheryl made up in college at some point and I use it when working, constantly. Get Familiar: GFY means GO FUCK YOURSELF. It's instant gratification because the person you're saying it to has no comeback, and victory is yours.
Which reminds me...
Isn't it crazy how lingo develops. When I was younger I was fascinated at how different languages evolved. But if you think about it, your whole posse has their own lingo. Like Snoop D O double G has his izzle language and that pig latin shit that some diesel dorf came up with on the playground because no one else would talk to him so he had to create his own fucked up backwords nonsense... that I still never understand. Everyone adapts to their surroundings and have a level of comfort speaking certain things. When I say the word Fuck in front of my Grandma she screams "Jacqueline!" and thats not even my real name. Its her made up french name for me when I'm in trouble. Just like when I hear "JACKIE ANNE" I know the evil eye is coming at a moment's notice from my mother. I'm still a fan of WTF around older people because 9 times out of 10 they say: What is WTF. And I will keep repeating it until they ask, purely for my enjoyment.
And don't give me the line ladies aren't supposed to swear. Yes, I swear a lot but I've calmed down since my high school days of bumpin' Master P's "Make Em Say UHHHHH" song in the "Hoo-Ride." (We will get into the "Hoo-Ride in a future blog) Rap music made me do it. I was a Catholic School girl for 12 years and sometimes swearing was liberating. Where the hell was this WTF and GFY when I was a younger. Instead I opted for sticking up my ring finger at my sister in hopes that she would tell on me for flipping her the middle. And my response would be NO I DIDN'T, SHE'S LYING! And its not like I was lying, I was just stretching the truth.
I am SO very excited, I have been Dwellified!!!!
Mister Dwellephant himself (www.dwellephant.com) made me and the rest of the Fantastic Four into Monsters!!!!! It's SOOO amazing and I was truly touched. Milan aka Dwellephant has been bugged by me for some time now (well since he made talie and dori's monkey dracula painting) to make me into something. In fact at his las live art show at Moct, which was also my bday night, i bother him while he was painting and said "Hey cant you like add a weave or some eyelashes to that girl" his response was GFY. No, not really. I keed, I keed. But he promised me one at a later date and last night it was revealed! It's amazing! I haven't been caricatured since 1989 at Disney World where i had a french braid, mickey ears and running through Epcot with a balloon... I'll have to search the attic for the one. Im SURE Renee still has that.
Alright well that wraps it up for the eve. Thanks for listening (reading) to me ramble. Until next time....
Nighty Night, Keep your Butthole Tight!
-Miss Jackson
aka Jackie, Jax, Wackie, JC Money, Cracker Jax, Binks, Jackson-Hole, etc.
PS Look for the launch of www.fredboutique.com June 1st!!!!! I will write more on this coming up as the launch is approaching!!!!
PPS If you know me and would like me to blog something hit me up homeslice!
Myspace: www.myspace.com/gapgirl294 We fly high, No Lie ,You know this (BALLIN!)
PBS Cool for watching Sesame Street and Antiques Roadshow
Favorite Word (of the week): Bagel Bumper. Maybe this is just a word that PI HI XI used. I introduced it to my fellow fragrance sprayers, at work of course. But I CANNOT believe how many characters this day and age that do not know this word. Its amazing to me. It's like someone screaming GFY at me and me being dumbfounded. Well apparently not everyone knows GFY either. Its a term Cheryl made up in college at some point and I use it when working, constantly. Get Familiar: GFY means GO FUCK YOURSELF. It's instant gratification because the person you're saying it to has no comeback, and victory is yours.
Which reminds me...
Isn't it crazy how lingo develops. When I was younger I was fascinated at how different languages evolved. But if you think about it, your whole posse has their own lingo. Like Snoop D O double G has his izzle language and that pig latin shit that some diesel dorf came up with on the playground because no one else would talk to him so he had to create his own fucked up backwords nonsense... that I still never understand. Everyone adapts to their surroundings and have a level of comfort speaking certain things. When I say the word Fuck in front of my Grandma she screams "Jacqueline!" and thats not even my real name. Its her made up french name for me when I'm in trouble. Just like when I hear "JACKIE ANNE" I know the evil eye is coming at a moment's notice from my mother. I'm still a fan of WTF around older people because 9 times out of 10 they say: What is WTF. And I will keep repeating it until they ask, purely for my enjoyment.
And don't give me the line ladies aren't supposed to swear. Yes, I swear a lot but I've calmed down since my high school days of bumpin' Master P's "Make Em Say UHHHHH" song in the "Hoo-Ride." (We will get into the "Hoo-Ride in a future blog) Rap music made me do it. I was a Catholic School girl for 12 years and sometimes swearing was liberating. Where the hell was this WTF and GFY when I was a younger. Instead I opted for sticking up my ring finger at my sister in hopes that she would tell on me for flipping her the middle. And my response would be NO I DIDN'T, SHE'S LYING! And its not like I was lying, I was just stretching the truth.
I am SO very excited, I have been Dwellified!!!!
Mister Dwellephant himself (www.dwellephant.com) made me and the rest of the Fantastic Four into Monsters!!!!! It's SOOO amazing and I was truly touched. Milan aka Dwellephant has been bugged by me for some time now (well since he made talie and dori's monkey dracula painting) to make me into something. In fact at his las live art show at Moct, which was also my bday night, i bother him while he was painting and said "Hey cant you like add a weave or some eyelashes to that girl" his response was GFY. No, not really. I keed, I keed. But he promised me one at a later date and last night it was revealed! It's amazing! I haven't been caricatured since 1989 at Disney World where i had a french braid, mickey ears and running through Epcot with a balloon... I'll have to search the attic for the one. Im SURE Renee still has that.
Alright well that wraps it up for the eve. Thanks for listening (reading) to me ramble. Until next time....
Nighty Night, Keep your Butthole Tight!
-Miss Jackson
aka Jackie, Jax, Wackie, JC Money, Cracker Jax, Binks, Jackson-Hole, etc.
PS Look for the launch of www.fredboutique.com June 1st!!!!! I will write more on this coming up as the launch is approaching!!!!
PPS If you know me and would like me to blog something hit me up homeslice!
Myspace: www.myspace.com/gapgirl294 We fly high, No Lie ,You know this (BALLIN!)
PBS Cool for watching Sesame Street and Antiques Roadshow
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